Q: My son and I were arguing about going to high holiday services. He says he wants no part of Judaism now that Israel is behaving unconscionably by depriving Gazans of food. He does not mention Hamas as having a role in this tragedy. Like him, I am very upset about the famine, but I believe we need to pressure both Israel and Hamas, after all Hamas is responsible for the start of the war and has responsibility to end it too. He opposes the Rabbi because he advocates for defensive weapons for Israel. My son believes Israel does not have the right to exist if it is a persecuting power.
I say that boycotting the holiday is not going to help the Gazans and that reviewing our year and atoning for our sins will make us feel better personally and may be a good time to find constructive ways of helping the Gazans. I think if he spent some time really thinking about what he can do in terms of fundraising or helping organizations that are providing aid it would be far more helpful than boycotting services. Perhaps he can devote whatever energy he wants to being constructive rather than just protesting. The time committed to contemplation might give him and all of us a new perspective. We are at loggerheads about this. What do you suggest?
A: This year many Jewish hearts and minds are filled with anguish as we struggle with our desire to end the war in Gaza, free the hostages and also to ensure that Hamas will never again cross Israeli borders and murder and rape Israeli citizens. We want Israel to be granted the rights of any other nation to defend themselves. We do not want to starve anyone. Many of us are not only opposed to Netanyahu’s policies, but also feel torturing others is not a Jewish value.
Increasing numbers of Jewish Americans, including rabbis, are calling for Humanitarian aid to Gaza. The UJA-Federation of New York announced a $1 million allocation for humanitarian aid in Gaza, reflecting the growing internal debate within the Jewish community. Additionally, the Jewish Democratic Council of America (JDCA) released a statement calling on Israel, the U.S. and all parties to ensure Gazans have access to food, stating that the situation is “antithetical to our Jewish values.” Clearly just blaming Judaism is an oversimplification.
Your son is not the only one conflating Judaism with Israel’s policies. The results of doing this have already proven dangerous to Jews. Not only to Israelis. Antisemtic incidents have reached a new high in America, and have become lethal. At the Capital Jewish Museum in Washington, D.C., a shooter killed two young people. “I did it. I did it for Gaza. Free free Palestine,” he yelled, a term that has come to mean murder Jews and annihilate Israel. The same call was heard in the attack in Boulder, Colorado when a man hurled Molotov cocktails at a peaceful vigil for the hostages, injuring 12 people. His protest was not to call attention to the famine, but was a call to annihilate Jews and Israel.
You might ask your son if he thinks his absence at shul is an effective protest since most folks won’t even notice his absence. While he might feel self-righteously good, he might be better off and more effective by speaking with the synagogue leadership about his distaste for Israel’s policies. He could ask for a meeting with the Rabbi himself. Or if he truly detests this congregation he can go to a different synagogue in which the Rabbi’s beliefs align more with his own.
This might be a great chance to explain to your son some of the Israeli policies you personally disagree with and perhaps how you have taken action to try to change those policies by contributing money or time. Your own embracing of Judaism by observing the holiday does not mean you support every policy of the Israeli government any more than I suspect your son supports every policy of the United States government. Helping prior oppressed people by NOT observing the holidays might make him feel better but is not an effective protest. He can send his summer earnings to groups that bring food and meds into Gaza if he really wants to show support for the Gazans. You can tell him what you are doing to help get food to Gaza.
I know that some people in my conservative congregation are going to synagogue but are not saying certain prayers regarding the state of Israel and the IDF. If your son finds prayers or readings problematic, he can skip them. Or, even better perhaps, he can talk about these prayers with others after services. It might lead to an interesting dialogue after services.
Ask him, “What would you do with time that would better help the Gazans?” A few hours spent contemplating one’s life is not a political statement. It can be a great use of time. Thinking about what needs to be changed for yourself as well as the world can be time well spent. All this thinking may result in a plan either for his own life or for the world.
None of us is perfect and we all have done acts for which we need to apologize or re-think our approach. Maybe he wasn’t always the best friend he could be, or best sibling or best student.The war does not supersede life. He still has to think about what he personally would like to do better. Whether he takes time to examine his life at home or in synagogue, it is important to take time to reflect on one’s life as one’s place in the world.