Q: The war in Gaza hits home. I have a terrible dilemma. I just went to the Bat Mitzvah of a lovely young woman who is fortunate to be a person “who has everything.” Her family is warm and loving, she has travelled with them all over the world and has enough material possessions so that she does not need another “thing.” If I had sent the gift on time I would have given her some Judaica but I have learned that others have amply gifted many religious and cultural items. I am reluctant to give Israeli artwork as I don’t know the family’s nor the Bat Mitzvah’s taste. What I would normally do in a situation like this, (fortunately I know many very lucky young people) is give an Israeli bond. Though I unequivocally believe that the State of Israel has a right not only to exist but to thrive without constant fear of invasion, I am completely distraught about two issues not necessarily in prioritized order. First the continued bombing in Gaza and the ever growing number of deaths and mounting destruction. It just seems wrong to me! Secondly the Israeli government is not prioritizing the very precarious lives of the hostages. I will eventually sort out my own thinking about whether I am willing to even buy a bond supporting Netanyahu’s government. I know, however, if a staunch Israel supporter like me questions this action, Israel is in real trouble! I would like advice on how I could find out how the family of the Bat Mitzvah might feel about receiving such a gift.
A: As I write this answer, notice from the Guardian came across my computer announcing France, the United Kingdom and Canada are threatening action against Israel if the Israelis do not stop bombing Gaza. The Europeans and the Americans Jews included are horrified that even more Gazans will be killed and even more destruction will reign down on the already destroyed strip. Add to this the concern of many diaspora Jews who are questioning whether Netanyahu’s government is making the world safer for the Jews and for Israel or more precarious. Even if we take it at face value that his goal is to destroy Hamas and not save his own political life, we cannot believe that this much loss of life and rubble can be worthwhile. Some of us are asking why blame Israel when this whole mess could be quickly ended if only Hamas would only just just return the hostages. We ask why pressure Israel and support the terrorist group responsible for the Oct. 7 massacres in southern Israel. Public opinion polls show that 68% of Israelis prioritize the release of the hostages even if it means settling with rather than destroying Hamas. You are wise to question whether you or the recipient wants to support Netanyahu and his government who are continuing to use military pressure to destroy the already weakened Gazans. So far, it is definitely not making any friends for the Israelis. It doesn’t seem to be destroying Hamas and it is certainly not working to bring the remaining hostages home. Yet, it is possible that Netanyahu is correct and the only way to achieve peace is to totally destroy Hamas. You will need to decide if your own loyalty to the zionist idea is stronger than your horror and the killing and the stalling of the hostages’ freedom. I urge you to go beyond the headlines and sort through the prevailing opinions around the world about Israel.
As for the parents and the Bat Mitzvah, you might want to ask them directly. Explain your love for Israel and your beliefs that the destruction and fighting may have gone too far. Explain why you are thinking of giving this gift to the Bat Mitzvah, and then ask if they would want you to do so or be horrified by your support of a government whom they do not favor. You can also ask permission to talk about the gift with the child. This most probably will lead to a fascinating educational conversation. That is, if you share your thoughts and listen to hers rather than preach.
You could offer to buy a US treasury bond, but that too is fraught right now. Alternatively, you might give aid to a group in Israel that supports the elderly, the sick, and the mental health of the returned hostages. You can just give a donation in honor of the child or support a school or name a class, or a stand of trees for the child. There is no end of worthy causes in Israel that do not involve giving money directly to the government. Perhaps one that fosters dialogue between Arabic and Israeli Jewish children.
Whatever you do hopefully will be received in the spirit of love and caring it was given.