I am grateful to report that I have two really dumb things to complain about — toilet paper technology and sport socks. I choose the word grateful because when my brain invents silly things to yap about, I understand it is not occupied with any real problems. Whew! And amen.
This philosophy comes to me from my friend, Roberta. In the final years of her father’s life, he had many health issues. He vented about his ailments regularly. She noticed, though, that when he was in a particularly fine spot physically, he then had trouble with itching from dry skin. We always looked forward to his days of only itching.
So here I am, itching to tell you about two silly things that annoy me. Understanding fully that these are First World Problems that I should just laugh off, I see something larger happening here if I choose to look at it that way. Stick around and let me explain.
What’s with the toilet paper?
I recently noticed that the perforations between squares of my Charmin Ultra Soft toilet paper were no longer a straight line, but a scalloped edge instead. Wondering what that was all about, I googled the topic to find out.
Evidently, the top customer complaint through the years has been the uneven tears from the square tissues. Customers did not like the straggling strand that was left behind. So the company’s R&D team set to work to fix things. There were a lot of components to consider. Was the end user (ha ha ha) right-handed or left-handed? Did that family hang the paper feeding from the top of the roll or the bottom? Where was the roll placed in relation to the toilet, etc.?
Five years and 30 patents later, the company introduced the new roll — with “Smooth Tear” — in 2023. Most of that time was spent retooling the company’s six toilet paper factories to accommodate the new perforation. I can just imagine what that cost.
Forgive me, but I feel a little poopy that so much time, brain power and money were spent solving this problem when there are so many more important problems for great minds to solve.
And have you noticed this on sport socks?
A growing number of brands now label their socks for the right foot or the left. The little R or L makes dressing difficult for me. I need to hunt for my reading glasses to see what my socks say.
And so I wonder — with a bit of annoyance — is this really necessary? According to Feetures.com, there are three problems with regular socks for sports: heel slippage, baggy toes and lack of support. Additionally, they note, most socks are not anatomically designed and do not consider the asymmetrical nature of feet. Meanwhile, their “left and right asymmetrical socks deliver specifically targeted compression to the foot’s arch and cushion that matches the distribution of the toes.”
All of these are problems I never knew I had and feel no compulsion to fix. However, I have two left feet when it comes to dancing. Will wearing two right socks fix that?
A positive spin on my grousing:
As I have gotten older, I have discovered two new types of gratitude.
The first revelation came fifteen years ago, when my dad was dying. I overheard two doctors talking as I walked to the hospital cafeteria. In greeting, one asked the other how he was doing and the second doctor responded that he was fine, he was still able to take his meals upright.
I never knew that being able to sit up to eat meals was a sign of wellness, but of course my dying dad could no longer do this, so I quickly understood. More to the point, I realized there would come a day when I could no longer manage this skill. Indeed, lots of capabilities may go by the wayside as I travel down the road of life. And thus the I-Can-Still-Do-It form of gratitude was born.
And now here I go again. With all my grousing about dumb stuff + the memory of Roberta’s father — once sort of funny, now not so much — I recognize this as the major phenomena it is, Grousing Gratitude.
What I complain about is a barometer of my overall well-being.
At the moment I only have toilet paper technology and sport socks to complain about. Well…maybe throw in pickle jars that will not open. Regardless…Oh what a lucky girl am I!
