Thank you, thank you, thank you. With Thanksgiving upon us, this is the time of year that as a nation we have the inspiration to be grateful. Although the myths and legends around why and what the pilgrims were thinking may not tell the whole truth, it’s a good guess that they were grateful to have survived the trip across the ocean and to have their family, friends and food to eat.
Gratitude is a universally experienced emotion, regardless of the culture, race or religion. As it turns out it’s also regarded as a key to personal happiness, well-being, and positive relationships.
Whether acknowledging the kindness of others, appreciating small moments of beauty, or feeling thankful for life’s blessings, gratitude is something that touches all of us. But my guess is you, like me in the rush of daily life, overlook the simple yet profound act of being grateful. This column is intended to explore the science of gratitude, its psychological and emotional benefits, and practical ways to cultivate and express it.
As a clinician and forensic I frequently hear stories about how someone else was ungrateful and why the person telling the story is desperate to hear or see kindness from someone else.
As it turns out our brains are wired to focus more readily on negative experiences. This “negative bias” refers to the tendency of people to give more weight to bad events, emotions, and memories than to positive ones. Evolutionarily, this served to protect our ancestors by highlighting threats and dangers. However, in our modern world, this bias often distorts our perception of reality, overshadowing the positive aspects of our lives and making it harder for us to cultivate a gratitude mentality.
At its core, gratitude can be defined as recognizing and appreciating the good things in life. This simple act of acknowledgment has far-reaching effects, influencing mental health, physical well-being, and the quality of our relationships.
I’ll begin by exploring how negative thinking tendencies can block gratitude, followed by a look at an article by researchers Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, who have shaped our understanding of gratitude’s role in happiness. Finally, I’ll take a look at methods of cultivating gratitude in our daily life and the benefits we might realize in doing some consistent gratitude practices.
The impact of negative bias on gratitude
Negative bias can prevent us from recognizing and appreciating the good things in our lives. For instance, after a challenging day, we tend to fixate and dwell on an unpleasant incident and minimize or overlook some of the positive moments we experienced. The pervasive effects of this bias can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, even if a majority of our day or week was full of blessings.
Strategies to overcome negative bias
To counteract negative bias, the first step is recognition. We have to take a moment when we are b—tching and looking at our thought patterns.
Like the joke when the patient goes in to see their doctor and is asked, when does the pain start? The patient tells the doc. Then the doctor says oh, if that’s what happens, then the cure is easy. Really! says the patient, what’s the secret? STOP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING!
Psychologically if we want to break the negative bias loop,
1. Stop,
2. Reframe your negative thoughts,
3. Choose to focus on a good experience and
4. Reflect on the positive.
Don’t confuse this four part approach as ignoring difficult feelings and negative thoughts. Rather, it’s a suggestion as a way to transcend the negative moment in order to minimize stress and get into a positive or neutral state of mind to solve a problem on your way to a better resolution.
What can the research tell us?
Robert Emmons, & Michael McCullough (2003), “Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life”, published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, provided some groundbreaking insights into the role of gratitude in mental and physical well-being.
Their study investigated how regular practices of gratitude could enhance subjective well-being. The study found that individuals who regularly counted their blessings experienced greater happiness, better health, and improved relationships.
Emmons and McCullough proposed a two part definition of gratitude:
Recognition: Acknowledging the positive aspects of one’s life.
Acknowledgment: Recognizing that these good things often come from external sources, such as other people or circumstances beyond our control.
As it turns out, understanding our need to recognize and acknowledge gratitude is a key component to understanding gratitude’s full potential.
What did Emmons and McCullough’s findings show?
Emmons and McCullough helped to demonstrate that gratitude significantly enhances overall well-being, fostering stronger social connections and improved emotional resilience. People who regularly practice gratitude report feeling more satisfied with their lives, better equipped to handle stress, and more connected to others.
Five steps to help cultivate graciousness
1. Noticing when you’re grateful
A first step in cultivating gratitude is to build the habit of noticing the moments of thankfulness in your daily life. As simple as appreciating a friendly gesture, the beauty of nature, or a moment of peace in your busy day is a way to start. The more we notice, the more we experience gratitude. The more we practice gratitude the stronger the habit becomes. Try practicing your appreciation for an hour. If it works, try it for a longer period of time on day two and day three until you have a habit on a daily basis.
2. Gratitude journaling
Writing something down these days unless it’s a grocery or must do list seems more like a chore than a positive approach to change. But if we write down what we are thankful for it’s been shown to boost well-being.
A gratitude journal provides a structured way to reflect on positive experiences. For maximum benefit, try writing down three things you’re grateful for, each evening before retiring. Keep the journal by the bed and before turning out the light, put a smile on your face and jot down three things that made you grateful that day, and be specific — whether it’s a meaningful conversation, a delicious meal, or an act of kindness.
3. Practicing mental subtraction
The concept of mental subtraction, popularized by the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, involves imagining how life would be without certain positive aspects. Reflecting on life’s blessings in this way helps us appreciate them more deeply and recognize their value.
Mental subtraction has been nicknamed the George Bailey effect after the protagonist portrayed by James Stewart who was saved by the angel Clarence portrayed by Henry Travers in the It’s a Wonderful Life movie. Clarence helped George see how things would have turned out if George wasn’t a good guy who thought about the welfare of others.
4. Mindful gratitude practices
Mindfulness isn’t just about focusing on one’s breath to pass the time. When directed accordingly, it can enhance our gratitude habit by helping us to savor positive moments. Techniques such as deep breathing, body scans, and focused attention while fully experiencing the present moment will provide a deeper sense of appreciation for even some of life’s small joys. As the saying goes, try it, you’ll like it!
Here are some meditation practices to try on your own:
Body scan gratitude meditation: This meditation involves focusing on each part of the body, expressing thanks for its function and health. It encourages awareness of both physical and emotional sensations.
Savoring gratitude meditation: Savoring gratitude meditation involves reflecting on recent positive experiences, fully experiencing and appreciating them in the present moment.
Loving-kindness gratitude meditation: Loving-kindness meditation extends gratitude to others, wishing them happiness and well-being, while cultivating empathy and compassion.
Expressing appreciation to others: Taking the time to express gratitude to others — whether through letters, phone calls, or in person — strengthens relationships and fosters a sense of connectedness. This reciprocal exchange of gratitude benefits both the giver and the receiver. Remember the last time you surprised someone after complimenting them and they gave you a hug or a big smile. What did that feel like for you? Imagine getting one or two or three of those feelings a week or even one a day! That’s what happens when you call or tell someone in person about your gratefulness for them being in your life.
Five ways to show gratitude
Similar to the Five Love Languages as offered by Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”, expressing gratitude is similar.
1. Verbal expressions: Saying “thank you” might seem simple, but it can have a profound impact on relationships. Verbal expressions of gratitude, especially when specific and heartfelt, can deepen bonds and enhance mutual respect.
2. Acts of service: Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Doing something kind for someone, whether it’s helping with a task or offering support, is a powerful way to express gratitude.
3. Gifts as symbols of appreciation: Thoughtful gifts can serve as meaningful symbols of gratitude. The act of giving demonstrates care and appreciation, reinforcing the positive feelings associated with gratitude.
4. Public acknowledgment: Acknowledging someone’s contributions publicly, whether in a meeting, speech, or on social media, not only shows gratitude but also encourages a culture of appreciation in communities and workplaces.
5. Consistent gratitude practices: It would be helpful if gratitude became a part of our daily lives. Whether it’s through family traditions, workplace rituals, or personal practices, consistent gratitude fosters an environment where appreciation is a regular and natural part of interactions.
So, what are some of the benefits from all of these good vibes?
When we are in a good place mentally and emotionally, it’s typical for our bodies to reward us and it’s not surprising that gratitude has a positive overall effect.
1. Cognitive benefits: Gratitude enhances memory, focus, and problem-solving skills. When we focus on the positive aspects of life, our brains become more adept at recognizing pattens of success and opportunity.
2. Emotional benefits: Philip Watkins, Jens Uhder, Stan Pichinevskiy (2015) in their article “Grateful recounting enhances subjective well-being: The importance of grateful processing”, published in Journal of Positive Psychology, found gratitude to be linked to reduced levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.
People who practice gratitude regularly report feeling happier, more content, and better able to handle life’s challenges.
3. Spiritual benefits: Gratitude can foster a sense of connection to something greater than oneself. For many, practicing gratitude deepens their spiritual beliefs and enhances their sense of purpose and meaning in life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, gratitude is not just an emotion — it’s a practice that can transform our lives. By consciously choosing to recognize and appreciate the blessings around us, we can improve our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Gratitude is a powerful tool, and should you choose to integrate it into your life, you may find that your perspective shifts, your relationships improve, and your sense of happiness deepens.
Let gratitude be the lens through which you view the world and watch as it transforms not only your life but the lives of those around you.
Be well. Stay safe. Thanks for reading the column.
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