What They Taught Me — and Why I Spilled My Coffee Mid-Chapter
“Insight has a way of arriving just as the coffee cools — and sometimes spills — if we’re paying attention.”
Anna Quindlen, a “New York Times” journalist and Pulitzer Prize recipient, once wrote, “Books are the plane and the train, and the road. They are the destination and the journey. They are home.”
I have a confession: I can easily become hyper-focused. I once spent 3 hours “researching” a forensic case that I could not let go of, only to realize that I had not taken a break. When I decided to share these four nonfiction books I read this year that mattered to me, I promised myself two things: to look closely at why they mattered, and to share those lessons from a personal place.
The books I selected are, admittedly, a curious mix. Think of them as the contents of a very serious holiday gift basket: “The Art of Focus” by Dan Koe; “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab; “From Strength to Strength” by Arthur Brooks; and “Here All Along” by Sarah Hurwitz. At first glance, the collection might prompt a raised eyebrow. Psychology, self-help, aging and Jewish spirituality? It does seem like a spread. Yet each book nudged me — sometimes gently, sometimes with a firm shove — toward a clearer understanding of how I live, work, age and make meaning.
What follows is a tour through my experience with these books: what made me laugh, what made me nod in recognition and what made me think, more than once, “Why didn’t I realize this years ago?” Along the way, I offer a few gentle prompts for you, dear reader, to try something similar in your own life. And yes, there were coffee spills along the way. They seem to be part of my learning process.
I. The Art of Focus — How I Learned to Pay Attention Without Losing My Mind
Style of the Book
This book is practical, clear and lightly witty. Dan Koe, the author doesn’t just tell you to “focus.” The style is to take you by the hand while showing you how to notice distractions, prioritize tasks and gently train your attention. It’s not preachy, which is a relief because, at my age, nobody likes a naggy manual.
An example in the author’s own words
“In your life, if you do not have the idea to improve your health, business, or relationships it will be difficult to reach the next stage of development in each. The problem is with those that lack the clarity to act with focus. We all know those people with the latest and greatest idea that will shake the world, but when you ask them about it years later, they have no idea what you’re talking about.
According to Koe, if you follow the path he has laid out for you — that is to solve your own survival-based problems and the domains of health, wealth and relationships — you will near the limits that material can take you.
Nobody has reached the absolute limits of knowledge, consciousness and intellectual capacity. Creativity is infinite, productivity is finite. When you master your survival, you unlock the stage of creativity that can carry your personal and professional life to new heights.”
Personal Anecdotes
I once tried to write while checking email. Within minutes, I answered messages, forgot my opening thought and sent out an email that had no business being seen by others.
Key Reflections — Why it mattered to me.
– Even a distracted brain can learn to pause and choose where to place your focus.
– Focusing is not about perfection — it’s about noticing what truly deserves your attention.
Small bursts of deliberate focus can yield huge results.
– Mindful attention allows you to savor little joys — like the rays of sunshine coming through the blinds or a bird song that welcomes spring.
A takeaway to consider: Try a 10-minute “no distractions” zone. Give yourself the blessing of a quiet moment without a deliberate goal in mind.
II. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: How Saying No Made Me Healthier
If “The Art of Focus” was about what to do, “Set Boundaries” is about what not to do. And allow me to suggest that learning to say “no” is harder than remembering where you left your cell phone.
Style of the Book
The tone of the author, Nedra Glover Tawwab, is warm, empathetic and conversational, with stories that feel like they’re drawn from your life — if your life involves overcommitting and forgetting to breathe. There’s no shaming; only gentle encouragement to honor your time and energy.
Author’s Words
“Assertiveness is the way. The healthiest way to communicate your boundaries is to be assertive. In contrast to all the forms of ineffective communication, assertiveness is how you clearly and directly state your needs.
Assertiveness involves communicating your feelings openly and without attacking others. It isn’t demanding, instead it’s a way of commanding that people hear you.
An example of assertiveness would be saying no to something that is averse to your values, time, priorities or personal style.
Another assertive example Tawwab offered was instead of talking to a third party, you should talk directly to the person you have issues with.
Personal Anecdote
I said “no” to a forensic referral I did not want to evaluate. The relief was almost spiritual. My availability was not the issue. It was the nature of the conflict that was beyond the pale, and my participation would have placed me at a personal risk as well. Whew! What a relief when I said positively NO.
Key Reflections — Why it mattered to me.
– Boundaries are not selfish — they are survival skills.
– Protecting your mental energy lets you actually enjoy family, friends and the things you choose to say “yes” to.
Setting boundaries creates space.
A prompt to consider: Try saying “no” once this week and notice the guilt — or lack thereof. You might even save yourself from a minor meltdown at your next Zoom family gathering.
III. From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in The Second Half of Life.
Growing Old Without Burning Out
Style of the Book
This book by Brooks, an author of twelve books and columnist for “The Atlantic,” is inspirational, narrative-driven and grounded in evidence. For me, this book was a guide through the natural evolution of strength, energy and focus over a lifetime. The tone is supportive, not condescending, making it easy to embrace the idea that growth continues as we age and are in the second arc of our lives — just differently then our earlier years.
Author’s Words
“Prospect theory. Even more powerful than our urge for more is our resistance to less. We try even harder to avoid losses than we do to achieve gains. This is known as prospect theory, which challenges the assumption that people are rational agents who assess gains and losses the same way. In fact, it asserts that people are much more affected emotionally by losing something than they are by gaining the same thing. It’s also why we hate disappointments so much and as research shows, are willing to go to great lengths to avoid being disappointed.”
Personal Anecdotes
I finally let go of a project I had been “supposed” to excel at. The relief? Immense. I could redirect energy to things that actually sparked joy.
I celebrated some small victories in my writing and work projects, instead of chasing an impossible notion of perfection.
Key Reflections — Why it mattered to me.
– Growth is lifelong, but it shifts with energy, priorities and age.
– Comparing me to my younger self can be exhausting, and comparing me to my current self was enlightening.
– Embracing new strengths rather than mourning lost ones was liberating.
A prompt to consider: Reflect on one skill or interest you can nurture this week without pressure. You might be surprised — perhaps even rediscover a joy long forgotten, like exercising a yoga pose, or cooking a favorite recipe.
IV. Here All Along: Finding Meaning, Spirituality, and A Deeper Connection to Life-In Judaism.
And the last book in my top four for 2025 — we arrive at the book that touched something quieter, deeper and, yes, spiritually Jewish within me. “Here All Along” reminded me that meaning often hides in plain sight, in rituals we take for granted or moments that appear mundane until they’re noticed fully.
Style of the Book
Sarah Hurwitz, the author and former speech writer for Michelle Obama, found her own Judaism as an adult after years of avoidance. She wrote in a thoughtful, contemplative and approachable style. She doesn’t lecture or insist; she invites reflection. She gently encourages her readers to see familiar traditions with fresh eyes, discover spirituality in everyday acts and consider life’s bigger questions in a grounded way.
Author’s Words
“Kirah Jewish law lays out specific instructions for how those in mourning should mend the garment they tore when performing Kirah: they must do so with a rough stitch such that the tear is still visible…
This is an apt metaphor for the Jewish approach to the rest of our lives after losing a loved one. After 30 days or eleven months, we stop saying Kaddish every day. But our grief, while hopefully more manageable, does not magically disappear at this point. It will always be with us in some form or another. Even once the fabric of our life has been sewn back together the tear is still there.”
Personal Anecdotes
– I rediscovered joy in morning prayers, as a quiet, intentional act for myself.
– While washing the dishes, I focused on the rhythm in the task — moments of awe in everyday events. I added the experience to my gratitude journal, which this book helped me to see as being everywhere, when I pay attention.
Key Reflections — Why it mattered to me.
– Spiritual depth can be found in unexpected daily moments.
Jewish traditions offer frameworks for reflection, gratitude, and connection.
– Life’s meaning grows when we slow down and notice — even in small acts like pouring tea, doing the dishes or lighting candles.
A prompt to consider: Take five minutes today to notice a ritual or daily habit you usually rush past — see it with fresh eyes. I found that when I did that, life felt a little more luminous.
Conclusion: Life Lessons, and What to Do Next
So, what have I learned from this quartet of books? That focus requires practice. That saying “no” is a form of self-respect. That growth continues in unexpected ways if we let it. And that meaning can be found in the smallest, most ordinary moments.
If so inclined, pick one book, pick one idea and try it this week. Watch and journal what happens. You might gain a new perspective, a new ritual or, at the very least, a funny story.
Be well. Have a great holiday and safe New Year. Thanks for reading the column. Please go to the AI website (americanisraelite.com) and post a comment.
Questions? Suggestions? Send me an email. See you here next month.
