Q: I feel hurt, betrayed, angered and abandoned. My mother instilled in me the importance of women’s solidarity. She had been inspired by Betty Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique,” and passed down to me the message that women should have equal rights and opportunities with men. I’ve worked with other women to demand equal pay, I have lobbied for maternity leave and marched when Roe v. Wade was overturned. I could never have asked my boss to give me a raise and benefits nor could I have insisted on my husband’s participation in housework without the help of other women.
My biggest disillusionment with the message of “Sisterhood is powerful” has been that it seems few Women’s and Gender Studies programs have sent a message condemning the violence against women perpetrated by Hamas. The National Women’s Studies Association has condemned Israel.
I fear for the future of my teenage daughter, who won’t grow up with the same driven, unwavering feminist figures in her life that I had. I would like to demonstrate to her that I know how to take action, even in difficult times, but how can I?
A: First and foremost, we should establish at the outset that sexual violence is antithetical to the feminist movement and that Hamas has used sexual violence as a weapon of war against women, Jewish and non-Jewish. It is a violation of international Law, as defined by the Red Cross (International Humanitarian Law, Rule 96) and of basic decency. Violence, be it domestic, physical, or perpetrated through rape culture, has limited women. It has prevented them from leaving their marriages or walking down the street at night. It has silenced them in the workplace and in the political field. You cannot be an advocate of women if you turn a blind eye to their dehumanization.
The biggest threats in our American feminist circles today are not those who call for violence against women, but those who disregard, downplay or deny the violence perpetrated against women in the name of opposing Israel.
We cannot allow the world to forget about the attacks and rapes of October 7th or insist they did not happen. We know the brutality of the actions, but as Tablet magazine notes, “not believing or silencing the pain and truth of the victims is a secondary offense.”
This is the foundational belief of the #MeToo movement, that women should not just demand to be safe, but to feel safe and empowered to speak out against their own violence and oppression.
Whether you support Israel or Palestine, a two-state solution or total hegemony, there is one thing that is universal amongst all sides: women. In a time where we’re all pressured to take sides, we should not forget the importance of standing up for 50% of the world’s population: women. There are many Palestinian and Israeli women working for peace together. In the constant reporting of military and political conflict, have we heard their voices?
We all find ourselves asking questions. How did we get here? Where do we go from here? Some ask about the history of the Israeli Palestinian conflict or ask about the role that antisemitism plays in it. But we should also not shy away from asking the more difficult questions, like why so many Women’s and Gender Studies departments signed the National Women’s Studies Association letter calling for an end to “Israeli Apartheid” but turned a blind eye to the terrorism perpetrated by Hamas. Ask why so many feminist allies have been hesitant to condemn Hamas’ use of rape as a weapon of war. Ask if this is a workable vision for peace, one where pro-Palestinian forces can abuse and endanger women indiscriminately in the name of “Freedom from Oppression.”
The plain, sane answer is, “Of course not.” And yet the lacking support or acknowledgement of the plight of women in Israel from women’s groups has been deafening. Some people, in reaction to this, have turned their backs on the feminist movement completely, at a time when, in our own country, we women need to fight for control over our own bodies. Others, like you, feel lost now that their vision of a unified feminist movement has been shattered.
Blind loyalty to any cause saps the vitality and veracity. Our job is to insist on scrutiny for all sides. Even if you feel lost, you can stand against the tide of irrational hatred by championing reason and facts. You can write to your fellow alumnae and urge them to inquire what is being taught in the various Gender and Women’s Studies departments of their alma maters. Have they signed that National Women’s Studies Association letter? You can ask women’s groups in your area what they’ve done and how they are confronting Hamas’ gender-based terror. You can encourage any advocacy groups that you may be a part of to sign on to the National Council of Jewish Women’s Call for Action to the UN that has been signed by over 140 organizations.
Those who feel compelled to leave the feminist movement over this fact should remind themselves that antisemitism is a virus that infects many of the institutions of this country, not just the feminist movement. Leaving feminist circles is giving the crowd who maintains that Jews cannot be trusted exactly what they want. This anti-Jewish feeling many are reacting to is not new. In 1982, Letty Cottin Pogrebin wrote an article entitled “Anti Semitism and the Women’s Movement” that describes this exact phenomenon. It’s a relevant piece that I encourage you to discuss with your daughter.
In the face of discord, it’s important that you stick with your feminist groups and continue to raise the question, “What is the endgame of Hamas as it pertains to women?” No one who abuses women in times of war will relent in their ways in times of peace.
Like your mother, you are showing your daughter how you can react to adversity. You may not be able to solve the whole problem, but you are instilling in the importance of justice for women. That will be what she remembers.