My husband was reading in the living room. I was sprawled out on the family room couch watching the 81st annual “Golden Globe” awards highlighting individual stellar performances and work in both television and film in 2023.
I started shrieking.
My husband quickly ran in to see what was wrong — fearing it was another terrorist attack on Israel.
It was not.
“Look, look,” I excitedly pointed to the screen.
“OMG,” he responded. “What if they fall out on national television?”
We watched, mesmerized, as Da’Vine Joy Randolph walked toward the Beverly Hilton stage to accept a trophy for her work in “The Holdover” as best female actor in a supporting role.
Her speech was moving, but all I could focus on was her chest — praying her bosoms and nipples would stay covered and in place.
It got me thinking.
It got me thinking about “The Gilded Age,” a television series I watched recently reflecting the very rigid mores of the day. It was a window into how wealthy women’s wardrobes reflected a narrow view of the world and of each person’s place in it:
- The detailed dresses.
- The physically constraining undergarments.
- The multiple layers.
- The hats, the gloves, the jewelry painstakingly accessorized even when relaxing at home.
OY!
Of course, it was also the age of rigid cultural codes teeming with exclusion and excess. George Russell, a major character in “The “Gilded Age” is not labeled Jewish. Relentless attempts by him and his wife to break into old New York society speak otherwise, however.
It got me thinking.
Yes, the world has chaotic hot spots, UFO’s, creeping climate change and more than one war zone. But at least if I choose to go out in public adorned in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, my social standing will not be appreciatively reduced nor my femininity and womanliness heavily scrutinized.
It wasn’t always like this. We didn’t just have clothing restraints. As Geroge Russell so aptly demonstrated, we also had tightly bound social constraints. I learned all about this from a link my good buddy Lynne sent me. Here are some highlights:
In the 19th century, etiquette manuals flourished both in Europe and in the U.S. Emily Post published her first book on etiquette in 1922, focusing on how proper men and women should behave in both social and professional settings.
Here’s a smattering of do’s and don’ts: - Wives should defer to one’s husband as the head of the household.
- A man who is obviously subordinated to a dominating woman is a pathetic and foolish figure.
- The most important rule for a child was obedience.
Emily Post wrote that “by teaching a child that it can’t ‘stay with mother’ unless it is well-behaved, it learns self-control in babyhood.”
(I love the way she refers to a child as “it.”) - Flirting was a sign of ill breeding. And one guide actually suggested that “a married flirt is worse than vulgar.”
- A man couldn’t speak to a woman unless she spoke to him first.
Our lives aren’t perfect. In spite of that, I’m so grateful to have freedom of wardrobe, freedom of self-expression and freedom to implement a personal parenting style I choose. (My son Sam said it best: “My mom had few rules, but high expectations.” One of the expectations was that each of my sons have a Bar Mitzvah. I think it worked out pretty well, but that’s a whole other column.)
We are free to be who we want to be in wardrobe style, accoutrements and accessories.
We don’t wear girdles anymore. Nor panty hose. Nor modest maternity attire.
Exposed pregnant bellies are now the norm. Maybe flagrantly exposed cleavage and nipples will soon join the ranks of acceptable appearance. Maybe Da’Vine Joy Randolph will soon get an award for best dressed actress. Stranger things have happened.
Who knows?
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris
If you are fascinated by this era, a suggested reading is Yearning to Breathe Free: Jews in the Gilded Age. It’s massive and contains essays from 20 contributing scholars.