1. A laser tag arena. Think of the possibilities. Multi room laser tag. Fun for all ages! The buildings are currently full of incredibly depressed students and staff who probably wouldn’t mind burning a little energy off.
2. A research lab dedicated to finding the Princess of Wales. We are currently sourcing spools of red yarn and boxes of push pins. A photo editor proficient in identifying bad Photoshop mistakes has already been commissioned.
3. A retirement community for out of work graduate students. It’s taking longer and longer to finish a PhD, especially when one no longer has an institution to which they belong. Graduate students are going to need a care facility as they age. Ideally, occupational therapists will be hired to respond “of course you are!” when the graduate students say they are almost finished with their current chapter.
4. The office of The American Israelite. Come on. Let us have it. We want our chance to be haunted by the ghost of Isaac Mayer Wise too. Free subscription to any staff member who slips us a key on the way out. We’ll take it from there.
5. A training facility for the Bengals. We want to meet Joe Burrow.
6. A book store/office supplies store. All the products are already in stock. Someone just needs to add price tags to what’s already there and maybe we can turn a little profit on this thing.
7. A parking lot for Good Samaritan Hospital. The members of HUC Cincinnati are already used to being steamrolled, so this would not be a new sensation for them.
8. A rabbinical school. Word on the street is that the American midwest is now without an institution to provide rabbis to rural pulpits. Perhaps the empty space would best be utilized as some sort of educational institution that could serve this critical need in the region. Of all the ideas on this list, this is indeed the least likely.
