Q: College acceptances are coming in. My son is fortunate to have a lot of choices. Normally, he would pick a school based on his preferred major, campus size, proximity to the city, and, maybe even by the distance from us. However, with all that has happened post-October 7th, I’m worried about him going to college with strong anti-Israeli feelings and hostility to the Jews on campus. Many schools that I thought would be supportive, or at least safe, have been in the news, either for anti-Semitic incidents, or for anti-Israel statements from their Administration. How can I help him make the best decision for his safety as a Jewish young adult? I don’t want to make the decision for him, but rather, I want to make sure that the new reality is factored into his thinking.
A: For Israel and Jews, everything changed on October 7th, including our attitude towards the colleges in which we place our faith that they will protect our children. All of the promotional materials, websites, and pamphlets schools made about “Jewish Life on Campus” won’t include whether or not their University President failed to condemn anti-Semitism before Congress or whether or not Jewish students were forced to lock themselves in the school Library while Pro-Palestinian protesters banged on the doors. The most recent study I could find about antisemitism on college campuses was in eJewishPhilanthropy, but with how quickly the situation is changing, there’s no guarantee that it will be true in the near future.
There is no way to predict which campuses will foster dialogue and understanding and which will remain places where Jewish students are shunned or threatened. It is not possible for us to predict the future. What you can do is prepare your son for many eventualities.
Your son may become involved with the Jewish community on campus. He might become politically involved there, in which case a school with a well-funded and robust Hillel or Jewish center is likely a place to look. At any rate, he needs to know these resources exist.
On the other hand, college is a place to try out new ideas. Your son may become more critical of Israel during his college years. In this case, it’s important that he finds a place that is fostering healthy dialogue and encouraging students to disagree in a moderated, logical way, not just through screaming and protesting.
He may be somebody who wants to not take any side. Maybe he wants to scale back his Jewish affiliation altogether. If he has no interest politically, he might end up feeling alienated by both the Jewish community and the Pro-Palestinian community that would still view him as complicit with Israel’s crimes. It’s important, then, that he choose a Jewish community that welcomes the unaffiliated.
Maybe he wants to focus on another piece of his identity, be it athletics, gender and sexuality, travel, or an extracurricular you’ve never even heard of. It’s impossible to find a school that can facilitate all of this. That does not mean a school like that doesn’t exist.
There is the old adage that college is what you make of it, and that is still true here. Obviously, there are schools that are objectively good and bad choices for Jews, but as we demonstrated earlier, feeling accepted on campus as a Jew is more complicated than what might be advertised on a college website. We have learned since October 7th there’s no way for us to really know how a college will react to current events. Therefore, all you can do is equip your son with the life skills he needs to navigate questions about his faith and identity. His campus may change and so may he.
Have you talked to your son about this? It’s likely he’s also thinking about this since the news is filled with reports and opinions on the Israel and Gaza War and its implications for both Israelis and American Jews. He might have started the conversation already. If so, find out where his specific anxieties and concerns lie. Is he worried for his physical safety or about his ability to freely practice and explore his own ideas?
Maybe he hasn’t started the conversation, in which case, you have to be thoughtful about how you approach it. Perhaps you suggest he talk with someone he knows at the schools he is contemplating , or maybe he should talk with another adult. You may want to share your concerns and at the same time both affirm your confidence in his ability to make good decisions and reiterate how hard it is to make a decision when we don’t know all the variables. Discuss your lived experience as a Jew or with Jews who have navigated young adulthood through various political and social changes. Encourage him to seek out advice from students on college campuses, be they friends, family, or people in your community.
If he’s not thinking about how his Jewish background will affect him at college, it’s important to sit down and talk about how, like it or not, being Jewish, even if you’re unaffiliated, means that others will see you as Jewish. Identity is both pronounced by the self and by outsiders. Our enemies have never cared for distinctions like Reform and Orthodox or Synagogue-affiliated and Jews of no religion, or even if you are half-Jewish.
When he goes off to college, he first needs to know the facts, whether they are facts about Judaism or Israel. He will find success if he first familiarizes with the facts of the situation, and this includes reading material, podcasts, etc. from different viewpoints.
Second, he needs to have the ability to stand up for himself and what he believes in. He does not immediately need the confidence to face an impassioned opponent. Rather, he needs to know how to protect himself and his beliefs, and recognize when a situation might force him to compromise on his principles. In fact, it would be good for him to learn how to pick his moment. Anyone who paints a sign and goes marching in a protest is unlikely to be interested in reasoned debate at that moment. Timing is everything.
Israelis have demonstrated enormous creativity in keeping their state and civic lives going. 43% of Israelis have volunteered to keep the economy going. Adults know that life is much harder than we ever imagined. At the same time, there are generations of success stories, or at least good advice, that the Jewish community has developed. Even if he does not make the best choice when choosing a college that fits his Jewish identity, if he learns to approach the problem critically and consult multiple sources, he will have no problem navigating this world as a Jewish adult. Or at least, no more problem than the rest of us have.
He’s learning life skills that will serve him well as he confronts difficult situations in the future.
Q: College acceptances are coming in. My son is fortunate to have a lot of choices. Normally, he would pick a school based on his preferred major, campus size, proximity to the city, and, maybe even by the distance from us. However, with all that has happened post-October 7th, I’m worried about him going to college with strong anti-Israeli feelings and hostility to the Jews on campus. Many schools that I thought would be supportive, or at least safe, have been in the news, either for anti-Semitic incidents, or for anti-Israel statements from their Administration. How can I help him make the best decision for his safety as a Jewish young adult? I don’t want to make the decision for him, but rather, I want to make sure that the new reality is factored into his thinking.
A: For Israel and Jews, everything changed on October 7th, including our attitude towards the colleges in which we place our faith that they will protect our children. All of the promotional materials, websites, and pamphlets schools made about “Jewish Life on Campus” won’t include whether or not their University President failed to condemn anti-Semitism before Congress or whether or not Jewish students were forced to lock themselves in the school Library while Pro-Palestinian protesters banged on the doors. The most recent study I could find about antisemitism on college campuses was in eJewishPhilanthropy, but with how quickly the situation is changing, there’s no guarantee that it will be true in the near future.
There is no way to predict which campuses will foster dialogue and understanding and which will remain places where Jewish students are shunned or threatened. It is not possible for us to predict the future. What you can do is prepare your son for many eventualities.
Your son may become involved with the Jewish community on campus. He might become politically involved there, in which case a school with a well-funded and robust Hillel or Jewish center is likely a place to look. At any rate, he needs to know these resources exist.
On the other hand, college is a place to try out new ideas. Your son may become more critical of Israel during his college years. In this case, it’s important that he finds a place that is fostering healthy dialogue and encouraging students to disagree in a moderated, logical way, not just through screaming and protesting.
He may be somebody who wants to not take any side. Maybe he wants to scale back his Jewish affiliation altogether. If he has no interest politically, he might end up feeling alienated by both the Jewish community and the Pro-Palestinian community that would still view him as complicit with Israel’s crimes. It’s important, then, that he choose a Jewish community that welcomes the unaffiliated.
Maybe he wants to focus on another piece of his identity, be it athletics, gender and sexuality, travel, or an extracurricular you’ve never even heard of. It’s impossible to find a school that can facilitate all of this. That does not mean a school like that doesn’t exist.
There is the old adage that college is what you make of it, and that is still true here. Obviously, there are schools that are objectively good and bad choices for Jews, but as we demonstrated earlier, feeling accepted on campus as a Jew is more complicated than what might be advertised on a college website. We have learned since October 7th there’s no way for us to really know how a college will react to current events. Therefore, all you can do is equip your son with the life skills he needs to navigate questions about his faith and identity. His campus may change and so may he.
Have you talked to your son about this? It’s likely he’s also thinking about this since the news is filled with reports and opinions on the Israel and Gaza War and its implications for both Israelis and American Jews. He might have started the conversation already. If so, find out where his specific anxieties and concerns lie. Is he worried for his physical safety or about his ability to freely practice and explore his own ideas?
Maybe he hasn’t started the conversation, in which case, you have to be thoughtful about how you approach it. Perhaps you suggest he talk with someone he knows at the schools he is contemplating , or maybe he should talk with another adult. You may want to share your concerns and at the same time both affirm your confidence in his ability to make good decisions and reiterate how hard it is to make a decision when we don’t know all the variables. Discuss your lived experience as a Jew or with Jews who have navigated young adulthood through various political and social changes. Encourage him to seek out advice from students on college campuses, be they friends, family, or people in your community.
If he’s not thinking about how his Jewish background will affect him at college, it’s important to sit down and talk about how, like it or not, being Jewish, even if you’re unaffiliated, means that others will see you as Jewish. Identity is both pronounced by the self and by outsiders. Our enemies have never cared for distinctions like Reform and Orthodox or Synagogue-affiliated and Jews of no religion, or even if you are half-Jewish.
When he goes off to college, he first needs to know the facts, whether they are facts about Judaism or Israel. He will find success if he first familiarizes with the facts of the situation, and this includes reading material, podcasts, etc. from different viewpoints.
Second, he needs to have the ability to stand up for himself and what he believes in. He does not immediately need the confidence to face an impassioned opponent. Rather, he needs to know how to protect himself and his beliefs, and recognize when a situation might force him to compromise on his principles. In fact, it would be good for him to learn how to pick his moment. Anyone who paints a sign and goes marching in a protest is unlikely to be interested in reasoned debate at that moment. Timing is everything.
Israelis have demonstrated enormous creativity in keeping their state and civic lives going. 43% of Israelis have volunteered to keep the economy going. Adults know that life is much harder than we ever imagined. At the same time, there are generations of success stories, or at least good advice, that the Jewish community has developed. Even if he does not make the best choice when choosing a college that fits his Jewish identity, if he learns to approach the problem critically and consult multiple sources, he will have no problem navigating this world as a Jewish adult. Or at least, no more problem than the rest of us have.
He’s learning life skills that will serve him well as he confronts difficult situations in the future.