Dr. Brian Tobias, beloved husband, father, grandfather and brother, died in his sleep in Carmel, Indiana. Born in Cape Town, South Africa, he was the eldest child of Ralph and Helene (née Herman) Tobias. He grew up in the neighborhood of Sea Point with his brother Raymond, sister Berenice and brother Ashley. The white sandy beach served as a touchstone, a place where he found thrills, peace and friendship. But it was only one of many stomping grounds. He surfed at Muizenberg Beach with friends, and took Ashley and Raymond for rides on his motorbike along Avenue St. Charles. At Christian Brothers College, he was charismatic, and a tough rugby player — heroic to the point of breaking his collarbone. When asked recently about being the best rugby player at school, Brian said, “That was a very long time ago.” Indeed, it was. Brian always knew this was only the beginning of his lifelong pursuit of exploring more that life had to offer.
One Saturday night at a party, he met Jean Reznek. During their courtship, Brian visited Jean’s family home, where her younger brother Rodney told jokes and delighted in Brian’s laughter. On April 2, 1967, Brian married Jean. To many, Brian and Jean were “one” thereafter. They had their first child Jonathan in 1970, and Deborah in 1972.
Brian received a medical degree from the University of Cape Town, and immersed himself in cases that involved research and long nights. Then, he joined his father-in-law’s medical practice, making house calls. In 1977, Brian moved with his family to Cincinnati, Ohio, where he trained in anesthesiology at the University of Cincinnati. There, he and Jean joined a network of South African Jewish expatriates, many of whom chose Cincinnati as their new home. All friends through their early or teen years, they survived time, distance and life’s challenges, but what mattered above all else was connection.
Brian maintained that connection with his siblings, who emigrated to other cities. He always admired Ashley and Berenice for striking out in their youth, making their way in Israel and creating large families. He visited them, and his father, as often as he could for landmark events. He also traveled south to be with Raymond and his family.
In Cincinnati, Brian was an anesthesiologist at the University of Cincinnati, where he specialized in cardiac and transplant surgery, before moving into private practice servicing Jewish Hospital. He liked being a doctor. He took the hard cases, and developed a good reputation among the surgeons and nurses for his clinical acumen and ability to teach. Often around Cincinnati, people ask about him and talk about how they admired his skills as a doctor.
He was devoted to his wife, children and grandchildren — always wanting the proper thing to be done. He spoke with perfect elocution and used a knife and fork with precision not often seen in the United States. He liked to dress well, and once traded in his surfboard for a leather jacket. His athleticism never left though. He liked to swim, kayak, and bike until it hurt. During one vacation in Snowmass, Colorado, Brian gamely went mountain-biking with Jonathan and promptly fell into a ditch. All scraped up, he came home and bought a mountain bike — and continued with impressive determination. He bore the character traits of someone who was comfortable exploring his outer limits.
Brian had a dry sense of humor and a gruff exterior, but underneath it all, he was a warm, loving family man. Perhaps, he was most unvarnished around dogs. Throughout his life, Misty, Sasha, Max, Joey, and Lucy accompanied him — until Chloe, Debbie’s goldendoodle, claimed him. No matter how many times that rambunctious dog dragged him across an active golf course or knocked him down, he never wavered. You can see a pattern here — he was a caretaker who wouldn’t quit. As years went by, he developed a deep emotional understanding of the people around him and could often be counted on in times of need.
For many years, he worked early and long hours to support his family until he retired in 2015 to take care of Jean. What more can be said about a very private man of many facets at the end of his life? We all have our cherished, unique memories of him. For his children and grandchildren, one could think of him like the giving tree in Shel Silverstein’s story. Resolute, with a generosity that was borne of duty, commitment and a boundless love.
Brian, husband to the late Jean, is survived by his children Dr. Jonathan Tobias and Deborah Tobias Paul and his grandchildren Sidney, Jacqueline, Isabella and Zachary. Also survived by his siblings Raymond Tobias, a retired gastroenterologist, who lives in Birmingham, Alabama with his wife Cynthia; Berenice Yakov, who lives on a moshav in Israel with her husband Gadi; and Ashley, a retired theater professor, who lives with his wife Leah in Tel Aviv. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his memory to Cure Alzheimer’s Fund: https://curealz.org/
