Courtesy of JFS.
Jewish Family Service is sharing Frances’s story this May in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month
Submitted by Jewish Family Service
“I felt unanchored and lost. It became too much to carry my own laundry,” said Frances [a pseudonym to protect privacy], remembering.
It was an awful time in her life: first, her husband had passed after a long illness, with Frances nursing him for the final two years. Then she had left her Indianapolis home and moved to Cincinnati to live with her son since he wanted to help her — however within a month of her arrival, her son was diagnosed with terminal cancer. As she had done with her husband, she lovingly cared for him until his passing, seven months later. Through it all, her own Parkinson’s disease was worsening.
At 83 years old, Frances was a capable woman. She always looked put together. She had served as an administrator in a nonprofit, as well as taken care of her family, and had already experienced loss. But this series of crises left her reeling and devastated. “I felt stopped in my tracks,” she said.
A month after her son’s death, her son’s rabbi — newly her rabbi — recommended Jewish Family Service. Frances soon met Melissa, her new therapist. Jewish Family Service has a program that specializes in older adult psychotherapy, staffed by some of the most highly qualified and experienced professionals in the area.
“I feel stuck; I have let myself down…The ones who were supposed to take care of me are no longer here,” she told Melissa at the time. According to Melissa, Frances had two extreme losses, resulting in a diagnosis of overwhelming acute stress, severe depression and severe anxiety.
Frances needed support grieving her losses in the healthiest way possible, planning her future and reorganizing her life around her Parkinson’s diagnosis. She saw Melissa every week for the next six months. According to Melissa, her therapy focused on emphasizing Frances’s many strengths, helping her to regulate her nervous system into calm and connectedness and supporting her in setting boundaries with family members, while learning to prioritize her own needs. She had been a caregiver to many and had learn to also care for her own increasing physical and medical needs.
Initially, Melissa initially went to see Frances in her home, because Parkinson’s was making stairs difficult. Jewish Family Service funds this unique travel, because it allows for more effective therapy.
While Frances had been a caretaker as a mother and wife, now she needed to change. “I knew she had the strength to shift — to go from caregiving to taking care of herself,” Melissa said.
During these six months, Frances’s Parkinson’s worsened and she had to determine how to manage her next steps. She was financially stable and had insurance. Though her daughter wanted her to move in to her home, her daughter had serious issues of her own, and Frances found the strength to rule out that option.
In the end, Frances completed therapy successfully. She was no longer immobilized by the weight of her losses. With Melissa’s guidance, Frances planned for a future in which she prioritized her own needs, while being sensitive and loving to other family members. She would go back to Indianapolis, where she an abundance of support. She researched and lined up Parkinson’s doctors in anticipation of the move. She teamed with Melissa to learn and practice new coping skills. She ended therapy feeling hopeful, capable and connected to the people in her life who she loves.
Finally Frances took her next step and moved back home. “I’ve always walked through the world a competent person,” said Frances, “But I couldn’t have moved forward without Melissa.”
