Last week, I finished a novel I enjoyed, attended a women’s empowerment conference, and saw the traveling show of the Broadway musical about Neil Diamond. The thoughts evoked by the novel got amplified by the conference and then by the musical. They can be summed up by a line from some book I read long ago. Sadly, I can’t remember the title or the exact line, but it goes something like this: “When did all of our extraordinary struggles turn us into such ordinary people?” In that I am calling the amazingly talented and successful Neil Diamond an ordinary person, perhaps I need to explain…
The novel I just finished was “This Is a Love Story” by Jessica Soffer.
In it, we learn the story of Abe and Jane. It is mostly told in flashback by Abe as he helps Jane look back on their long marriage when she is dying from a third recurrence of cancer. Beyond the years-long struggle with cancer, Jane’s life has been touched by the loss of her mother when Jane was twelve, by a postpartum depression that had lasting and negative impact on her relationship with her son, Max, and by her husband’s almost-infidelity during their tough years. On the positive side — the very positive side — she has been a very prolific and successful artist.
Oddly, Central Park in New York City is a “character” in this book. Yes, we hear about times when Abe, Jane, an adult Max, and Abe’s almost-fling-partner pass through the park, but more important, we are told about many others in the park like “the cardiac surgeon [who] writes a love letter to her husband on the same bench near the Center Fountain every Friday…She couldn’t save him, but in her letters, she imagines that she can and they have shrimp lo mein on the couch again.”
A cardiac surgeon, like a successful artist, wow! Such high points in life! They exist right alongside all the pain and sorrow, not to mention all the mundane aspects of life. The author could have written an entire book about the surgeon instead of Jane. Or she could have written about me or about you. All of us have compelling life stories worthy of mention, respect, and compassion.
“The Power to Pursue” was the empowerment conference I attended:
This is a very successful program brought to Cincinnati by Rachel DesRochers. It is only in its fourth year, and has grown by leaps and bounds. This year, more than eight hundred people attended, and Katie Couric was the keynoter. Very impressive!
What I liked most about this event was that most of the sessions made use of panels of women experts on whatever topic as opposed to solo speakers. Even Katie Couric’s keynote was not one woman with a mic pontificating to an audience. Instead, an interview format was used where the interviewer often added her own opinion to Katie Couric’s comments.
This makes me think of my son. He wears many hats. One of them is teacher. He tells me of a concept to which he adheres as an educator: He is a guide on the side, not a sage on the stage.
The panel discussions employed that same concept. Additionally, like Central Park in the novel above, the panels acted as the great equalizer. Hopefully, everyone in the audience knew there was some aspect of their career that could have put them up on the stage as a guide to others.
And then there is Neil Diamond:
Neil Diamond! He has sold more than 130 million records worldwide and has charted 39 Top 40 singles and 16 top 10 albums in the U.S. and internationally. He is a Grammy Award-winning artist and a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Song Writers Hall of Fame. More amazing accomplishments would be easy to list.
And yet, when it came to creating a musical about his life, he liked the idea of framing the show around his therapy sessions. In a “Letter from Neil” that appears in the show’s Playbill, he thanks the late Dr. Lu Katzman, calling her his longtime therapist and the inspiration for the musical.
In the play, therefore, performance of his many hits is interspersed with office visits where he and the doctor explore the meaning of his lyrics. A particularly favorite song of his is “I Am…I Said.” The refrain — as autobiography — is very poignant:
“I am”… I cried
“I am”… said I
And I am lost and I can’t
Even say why
Leavin’ me lonely still.
Neil Diamond lost and alone? Even on top of a pile of money, great fame, and accolades galore? But wait a minute, we learn that he has been married three times and that his wives and four children did not feel — So good! So good! So good! — all those times he had to be (chose to be?) away from home.
Juxtaposing his high points in life right alongside all the pain and sorrow is a great equalizer.
And that’s where my week as a reader, conference attendee, and theater goer leaves me. I feel equal.
After all the ups and downs in my life — the extraordinary struggles — I am an ordinary person. Just like the characters in the book. Just like the panelists on the stage. And even just like Neil Diamond. Actually, I’ve got him beat. I’ve only been married and divorced once!
Oops! No need to compare myself to others. Life is the great equalizer. We have each been given one life. The only contest is to live it the best way we know how.
