Q. With the fires that raged through Los Angeles many of us are wondering, How can we help? Even if we are miles away there might be something we can do.
A: I may not have the answer to this question, but I do have some personal experience. About 12 years ago my husband and I returned from a lovely dinner with our daughter and her fiancé to find smoke streaming out of our home. Within an hour our closets, our bathroom and kitchen had vaporized. Eventually the rest of the house became completely smoke and water damaged. Unlike many of the Los Angeles residents, ours was the only house that was burning so that we could impose on our neighbors and watch in horror in the comfort of their homes. We were paralyzed and shocked: our life had changed with no warning.
Of course there is no comparison to the enormity of the Los Angeles fires. We retained our community, our shops and our civic buildings. In our case no one was hurt, no family members, no animals and no firefighters. We focused on how lucky we were that neighbors welcomed us. What was similar with LA was that every little kindness helped.
I learned quickly that nothing, as in “no thing,” was important. That is, no thing for thing’s sake. What I missed were things that helped me organize my life like a key chain, or a box to put my mail in. I missed clothes that kept me warm, my computer and file cabinets. I was immediately grateful for friends who offered me shelter and shared their belongings and those who went to the store with me. I needed help to make even the smallest decision.
My daughter-in-law found us temporary housing: one decision made. For those of you who would like to help a friend find housing, you can offer a room in your house or if you have a second home, offer it. It’s a lot better than a gym or a church basement and some people can work from a distance. Or you can try some of these links. Research assistance is appreciated.
Airbnb Temporary Housing Link
South Bay Short-Term Furnished Rentals
Furnished Finder
Hotels Offering Discounts in the Los Angeles area:
Or if you are a realtor, you can help by accessing the MLS.
My daughter gave me the best advice. Immediately after the fire she said, “Mom everyone is offering to help now, it won’t last, give each person an hour long concrete task and you will find that most people will follow through.” Sure enough, my librarian friend spent some time showing me the wealth of information I could access on the internet including academic papers and instruction manuals, items I had lost in the fire and now no longer would need to try to track down. Friends showed up with clothing in our sizes so we had something to wear those first few days. As the days progressed we needed to start working on our possession list for the insurance company. Various friends spent time with us brainstorming this list and even went so far as to walk down the aisles of a store with a computer or iPad in hand to compile a list of lost items for the insurance company. Drugstores, big box stores, department stores and hardware stores will help to jog your memory and create a more comprehensive list. There are so many items in our houses we take for granted and would not necessarily think to include on a list such as hangars, staplers, bandaids. This is a task that can be done virtually or in person.
There are many tasks that need doing and a few hours of your time can really make a dent in this list:
– Open a PO box to get mail
– Cancel Utilities
– Contact all vendors to supply new PO box address
– Cancel services such as landscaping
– Obtain documents such as birth, marriage and death certificates
-Help buy (I am not talking about paying, but there are so many choices, it’s nice to have a friend limit them) and set up new computers
As the months go by and your friends who have lost their homes are settled in their temporary housing, another great thing you can do is to send copies of pictures that they may have lost. Creating an album (digital or old fashioned!) with shared memories is priceless.
We got through the numbness and unreality of those first weeks by friends and family leading us to put one foot in front of the other. We needed people to help guide us when our compasses were disrupted. What helped us through those disorienting times were resources. I mean people resources — not possessions. Granted, it helped that we were insured, but money alone could not give us comfort. Any offer of kindness was what kept us going. Not everyone is rich in interpersonal resources, and not everyone is insured and in a calamity like LA I suspect the insurance companies will not be easily forthcoming. You, no matter where you live, can still find a way to help your friends in LA. Many of the tasks they need help with can be done by internet from anywhere. Be specific in your offers of help detailing exactly what task you are able to do and be sure to follow through. Whatever expertise you have, offer it. I repeat, any kindness is meaningful.
A part of me feels that writing this column at this time is too soon and no one wants advice when one is dealing with loss. However, if even one person is helped by knowing that my life was changed, but not all for the worse. It allowed me new opportunities to rethink the most tiny details of my life and my relationship with material possessions. I wish all of you in LA who have lost your homes, and your communities will somehow find the strength to grow from this horrendous experience. I also hope that all of you who live far away will find a way to help your friends.
If any of you want more specific lists of what your friends may need please write to me via publisher@americanisraelite.com and I will send specific information.